Metal maturation

The Grottenhofer Auslese matured to the Gregorian chants of Heiligenkreuz Abbey has always fascinated me. Science has shown bacteria have four of the five senses, so what of their audible world? I’m going to conduct my own heavy metal experiments to prove they have the fifth. Unlike the music of the monks, I’m interested in the work of the devil, I wager cheeses have very bogan bacteria tendencies.

I ♥ metal staccato – a loud distorted palm muted open E turns me on. Lot’s of them. Like my casomorphin habit, I could not get enough of them open E’s, so I started playing guitar in homage to the fromage of my metal gods. Now days, my air guitar is well versed.

What makes a metal fan is well discussed here. I am a metal fan, an indispensable tool in the maturing room for creating convection currents when maturing cheese. I learnt about the use of metal fans (see below) the year I worked on cheese shift at @NealsYardDairy. Cheese loves metal fans. Respect. \m/

Gotta love those monks but. No surprise the lapsed catholic in me was drawn to a Messiah complex relationship with cheese, while my accompanying fascination with ‘pagan’ cosmologies would support any aspiring pseudo psychologist to diagnose me as typical of my nature vs nurture. My relationship with trying to understand my experience of the  world mirrors the many many variables in play with cheese. Air guitar to metal helps me start to make sense of my experience; I propose a similar experience is in place with cheese bacteria bogans. Perhaps the creation of  a ‘Musical Maturation’ class to be judged at associated cheese competitions, and reviewed like @GrapednPillaged does with metal and wine could be a useful measure?

Imagine if the science proved bacteria are not hearing impaired, what a cool addition to product labelling it would be. ‘Raw goats milk from one herd etc… the bacteria of this cheese matured in a cave listening to @Lambofgodband for three months’. Either way, I’ll continue to navigate cheese and my own audible metal world.


About Curd Nerd

Put it in my belly, especially if it's smelly.
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